We were so busy chasing for the ones that were forgetting about us that we lost our thoughts. We were basically wasting time trying to chase for the person that we thought would complete our lives like little kids that were chasing pretty butterflies in the field filled with other living creatures. We were oblivious to our surrounding that we didn't bother to notice that the right person was infront of us all along. Why do we keep chasing and trying for the people that ddin't pay attention to us? Were we craving for their attention or the fact that they were giving us sugar coated words that we wanted to hear? 

Why did we stay up at 2AM talking to them when we could have gotten a good rest that we really deserve? Maybe we cared too much. Why did we continued to care when we knew they weren't appreciating the efforts? We were blind. Blinded by the lies that we created for ourselves knowing the fact that they didn't give a flying fuck about it. 

Why? Why? Why? 

I guess most of us were trying to give the happiness we didn't have to the people that we thought deserve. They didn't. We thought giving them apart of ourselves will make them happier but it turns out we just lost ourselves and parts of the remaining happiness we had. 

Day idk

It's 04:39AM right now as I sit in bed with my laptop and my late night thoughts. The year is ending and honestly, 2017 really suck so much. All the bullshits, the lost of friendships and countless other shit that happen. I considered this people as my close friends but I let my guards down, they weren't the right people after all. What is the point of sharing how you feel and later getting it used as a weapon against you? What is the point of trying to salvage something that cannot be save? It's pointless and honestly I'm glad it's gone. I don't feel the extra weight on my shoulders as I try to end the year with a positive note.

Have you ever wondered that the person you crossed path with might be the one? Sometimes I wondered that too. Have you ever wanted someone so badly but they weren't the one? Do you stare at the ceiling at 2pm or 2am in the morning asking yourself is this the person I want to spend my life with? Me too. Not every fairytale ends with a happy ending. Most of us go through so much shit for that certain person but they will never know because they were so busy chasing for the perfect one that they forgot the ones who were there after all. The long night talks, sending random pictures, talking bout stupid things. 

I never really understand myself and still am trying to learn how to love myself step by step despite the countless of setbacks I've received over the years. I'm still trying to reach for the shiny star but despite everything, sometimes you just want to give up. Crawling in bed and sleeping in always seems like the best escape from reality.  

I just wish everything will be better in 2018 but I know there will be times someone will fuck me up or times that i will lost myself to the darkness but I'll try. 

xx